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Dr Psychotic isn't board certified but he is definitely certifiable!
mad doctor
THE DOCTOR IS IN .. SANE! WITH DOCTOR JOKES, THAT IS!
PICTURE OF HEALTH 
A woman walked up to a shriveled little man rocking in a chair on his porch. "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?" "I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods and never exercise!" "That's amazing," the woman said. "How old are you?' He thought for a moment and replied, "Thirty-six."

NEW DIET? 
A woman came to her doctor in a panic. "Doctor!" she said. "All day long my daughter lies in bed, eating yeast and car wax. What will happen to her?" "Don't worry," said the doctor. "Eventually she will rise and shine!"
After Surgery
A man who had just undergone a very complicated operation kept complaining about a bump on his head and a terrible headache. Since his operation had been an intestinal one, there was no earthly reason why he should be complaining of a headache. Finally his nurse, fearing that the man might be suffering from some post-operative shock, spoke to the doctor about it. 
The doctor assured the nurse, "Don't worry about a thing. He really does have a bump on his head. About halfway through the operation we ran out of anesthetic."
BRAIN TRANSPLANT 
A man went in for a brain transplant operation and was offered a choice of two brains by the surgeon. He could choose either the architect's brain which would cost him $10,000 or the politician's which cost $100,000. "Does that mean that the politician's brain is much better than the architect's?" asked the man. "Not exactly," replied the surgeon, "the politician's has never been used."
THE BUG
A man is sitting at home one night. Suddenly, there's a loud knock at the door. The man opens the door to find a six-foot beetle standing at the doorstep. "What in the world is this?" he asks. The beetle responds by attacking the man viciously, with a flurry of kicks and punches. Then the beetle leaves. The man crawls into his house and calls an ambulance. At the hospital, the emergency room intern asks him how it happened. The guy tells him about the beetle. "Yes," the doctor says, with an understanding nod. "There is a nasty bug going around at the moment..."
A man went to see his doctor because he was suffering from a miserable cold. His doctor prescribed some pills, but they didn't help. On his next visit the doctor gave him a shot, but that didn't do any good. On his third visit the doctor told the man to go home and take a hot bath. As soon as he was finished bathing he was to throw open all the windows and stand in the draft. "But doc," protested the patient, "if I do that, I'll get pneumonia." "I know," said his physician. "I can cure pneumonia." cartoon character sticking out tongue

Express Dentistry
Higlemire and his wife entered the dentist's office. "I want a tooth pulled," he said. "We're in a big hurry, so let's not fool around with gas or Novocain or any of that stuff." "You're a very brave man," remarked the dentist. "Which tooth is it?" "Show him your bad tooth, honey," said the man to his wife.
THE OPERATION 
Bill Clinton fell deathly ill while traveling through Africa. Apparently he picked up a strange, life-threatening disease in one of the villages. He was rushed to Bethesda Naval Hospital for a complicated operation. He went under the knife in the early morning and when he awoke, he saw that the curtains were closed around him and it was dark. "Why are the curtains closed?" the President asked the Secret Service agent sitting beside his bed. "Is it night already?" "No, Sir," replied the agent. "There is a huge fire across the street and we didn't want you waking up and looking out the window and thinking the operation was unsuccessful."
A VICTIM  OF A CAR CRASH  GETS WHEELED  INTO  THE  EMERGENCY ROOM.  HIS LEG APPEARS  TO BE SOMEWHAT TWISTED AND BLOODY.  THE DOCTOR TELLS HIM HE'S GOING TO HAVE TO CUT HIS PANT LEG TO VIEW THE INJURIES.  THE ACCIDENT VICTIM TELLS HIM TO  GO AHEAD.  SO THE DOCTOR CUTS  THE PATIENT'S PANT LEG  AND THE PATIENT  NOTICES  THE DOCTOR,  AS WELL AS THE SURROUNDING NURSES, GASPING IN HORROR.  SO THE PATIENT ASKS "HOW DOES IT LOOK DOC?" AND THE DOCTOR REPLIES "NOT TOO GOOD, WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CHANGED YOUR UNDERWEAR?" 
YOU KNOW YOU'RE A NURSE WHEN:
You know you are a nurse when discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal seems perfectly normal. You know you are a nurse when you compliment a complete stranger on his veins. You know you are a nurse when you find yourself betting on someone's alcohol level. You know you are a nurse when you know that K-Y jelly is optional.
Son: Mommy, Mommy! My head hurts!  Mother:  Shut up and get away from the dart board!
THE ARTIST
An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time. "I have good news and bad news," the owner replied. "The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings." "That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?" "The guy was your doctor."
A middle-aged woman seemed sheepish as she visited her gynecologist.
"Come now," coaxed the doctor, "you've been seeing me for years!  There's nothing you can't tell me." "This one's kind of strange..." "Let me be the judge of that," the doctor replied.  "Well," she said, "yesterday I went to the bathroom in the morning and I heard a plink-plink in the toilet; when I looked down, the water was full of pennies." "I see." "That afternoon I went again and there were nickels in the bowl." "Uh-huh." "That night," she went on, "there were dimes and this morning there were quarters!   You've got to tell me what's wrong with me!" she implored, "I'm scared out of my wits!"
The gynecologist put a comforting hand on her shoulder.  "There, there, it's nothing to be scared about." "You're simply going through the change."
IN THE DESERT
A guy was walking through the Sahara desert, desperate for water, when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he walked towards the image, only to find a little old man sitting at a card table with a bunch of neckties laid out on it. The guy asked, "Please, I'm dying of thirst, can I have some water?" The old man replied, "I don't have any water, but why don't you buy a tie? Here's one that goes nicely with your shirt." The guy shouted, "I don't want a tie, you idiot! I need water!" "OK, don't buy a tie. But to show you what a nice guy I am, I'll tell you that over that dune there, about five miles down, there is a nice restaurant my brother runs. Go over that way, they'll give you all the water you want." The guy thanked him and walked away towards the dune and eventually disappeared. Three hours later the guy came crawling back to where the old man was sitting behind his card table. The old man said, "I told you, about five miles over that dune. Couldn't you find it?" The guy rasped, "I found it. They wouldn't let me in without a tie."
A young man, named Ronald, comes into the doctor's office and says, "Doc, is it hereditary to lose your memory?" "No," the doctor replies, "Why?" "Well," the man says, "both of my parents are losing their memories. For example, one day my mother wanted some Ice Cream, so she started to go out to get some. But my father, whose name I'm not going to tell you, stopped her, telling her that he would get it for her. 'Alright,' she said, 'I'll write it down'. 'No', he says, 'just tell me, I won't forget'. 'Okay', she says, 'I want some vanilla ice cream in a cone'. 'Okay', he says, "I'll be back in 30 minutes." The father leaves, comes back half an hour later, and gives his wife, whose name is Dorothy, a bag. "What!" she screams in horror, with a big toothy snarl. "This is a cheeseburger, you idiot! I wanted a hamburger!"
Doctor, I Have A Gas Problem
A little OLD lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. They never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office. You didn't know I was farting because they don't smell and are silent.
The doctor says, "I see, take these pills and come back to see me next week."
The next week the lady goes back. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my farts...although still silent...stink terribly."
The doctor says, "Good!!! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing.
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