Delusion: A false, firm belief held by someone, in spite of strong evidence to the contrary. Sort of how you find bald people who take the hair from one of the sides of their head and comb it over the top.  Then they tell themselves and others that they aren't losing their hair.

Demented:  Mentally ill, insane.  For example, someone who paints with feces and then wonders why the public doesn't want to fund it with their tax dollars.

Dementia:  Loss or serious impairment of mental powers.  The most common form of dementia is the type that is induced by binge-drinking.  Fortunately, most alcohol-induced acts of stupidity, by way of dementia, aren't recalled by the person the next day.  Unfortunately, he will often be reminded by a friend or by the police officer knocking at his door.

Insane: Mentally deranged or disturbed. Not wrapped too tight. A couple of beers short of a six-pack, lights are on but nobody's home, coo-coo, the relative living down in the basement that nobody talks about, or a person who babbles incoherently on the sidewalk. Maybe even the guy driving down the street in his car with a motorcycle helmet on while pressing his thumb up against the rearview mirror, thinking that pressing his thumb up against the rearview mirror and holding it there, while he's driving, serves an actual purpose. Not that I know someone who does that. Or that the person lives in my basement or anything. Just giving a hypothetical example of sorts. Yeah, that's it.

Insanity: The state of being insane.  This is not really a technical term used in medicine or psychiatry. Mental health professionals prefer to use the term: "Whack-o"

Lunacy: Irresponsible or senseless conduct. Like baiting a mouse trap with your private parts. That could be considered both irresponsible and senseless. Painful as well, if it goes off.

Lunatic: Someone who is wildly foolish or irrational. Perhaps someone who bathes with bleach and scrubs himself with a wire brush until his skin peels off and yet still does not feel clean.

Mania: Irrational or exaggerated craving or infatuation. Like the kind of exaggerated infatuation, or obsession, that causes you to pay ten times the list price for a toy for your child at Christmas time-simply because it's the new, "hottest" thing that every kid has to have. And since all of the other parents around are stupid enough and willing to pay nine times the list price for the item, you have to top them. Then after you purchase the item and give it to your child, he plays with it for five minutes and never gives it another thought. He then proceeds to play with the $2.00 toy he picked out of the grab bag at his school's Christmas party. That's when you realize you've been had.

Maniac: Madman or violently insane person. Sort of like the type of person who uses violence as a means of protesting violence. Or is that the definition of irony?

Manic: Extraordinarily excited or animated. Five cups of coffee with four sugar cubes each.

Manic-Depressive: A person suffering from a mental disorder in which periods of excitement alternate with periods of depression. Not that either period is perfectly scheduled to take place at specific times. That would make coping with it entirely too easy.

Neurosis: Any of a number of emotional disturbances but not nearly as severe or entertaining as a psychosis.

Neurotic: Pertaining to one suffering from a neurosis. Not the really uptight person in the next cubicle at the office.

Obsession: A persistent idea, feeling or inclination.  Oh yeah, it's a fragrance by Calvin Klein too. Or is it Clein, with a C ? Oh well, it's not worth obsessing over.

Psychosis: A severe mental disorder. Often involves disorganization of total personality. For those lacking in personality, it's not much of a problem. Or for those who work in corporate management, the disorganization can be countered by a really good on-the-ball type of secretary or administrative assistant.

Psychotic: A person suffering from a psychosis. Not anything like a mad doctor bent on world conquest.

Psychopath: A person who is mentally unstable, especially in the criminal sense.

Schizoid: One who is abnormally shy or withdrawn. The quiet type of person that pretty much keeps to himself and the neighbors never really get to know anything about. That is, until they see his picture in the newspaper and the accompanying article about the local authorities digging up his back yard to recover the bodies of his many victims.

Schizophrenia: Any group of Psychotic disorders characterized by delusions and withdrawal.  Note: Although a schizophrenic is often characterized as being a person who possesses multiple personalities, there is absolutely no truth to this. In fact, there are very few actual documented cases of multiple personality disorders and the linking of the two disorders is done most commonly out of ignorance and a general lack of knowledge regarding either of the two subjects. However, if you would like to observe multiple personalities in action, follow a political candidate around during a campaign. Observe the many different personalities they present as they try to cater and pander to every conceivable group or individual. Although schizophrenics are much more likely to hurt themselves than they are to hurt others, the bulk of the damage done by politicians basically hurts others more, while lining their own pockets with countless sums of unreported income.

Son of a Schitz:  The male offspring of a schizophrenic.

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