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You ladies of
merry England
Who have been to kiss the Duchess's
hand,
Pray, did you not lately observe in the show
A noble Italian called Signior Dildo?
This
signior was one of the Duchess's train
And helped to
conduct her over the main;
But now she cries out, 'To
the Duke I will go,
I have no more need for Signior
Dildo.'
At the Sign of the Cross in St James's
Street,
When next you go thither to make yourselves
sweet
By buying of powder, gloves, essence, or so,
You may chance to get a sight of Signior Dildo.
You would take him at first for no person of note,
Because he appears in a plain leather coat,
But when
you his virtuous abilities know,
You'll fall down and
worship Signior Dildo.
My Lady Southesk, heaven
prosper her for't,
First clothed him in satin, then
brought him to court;
But his head in the circle he
scarcely durst show,
So modest a youth was Signior
Dildo.
The good Lady Suffolk, thinking no harm,
Had got this poor stranger hid under her arm.
Lady
Betty by chance came the secret to know
And from her
own mother stole Signior Dildo.
The Countess of
Falmouth, of whom people tell
Her footmen wear shirts
of a guinea an ell,
Might save that expense, if she
did but know
How lusty a swinger is Signior Dildo.
By the help of this gallant the Countess of Rafe
Against the fierce Harris preserved herself safe;
She
stifled him almost beneath her pillow,
So closely she
embraced Signior Dildo.
The pattern of virtue,
Her Grace of Cleveland,
Has swallowed more pricks
than the ocean has sand;
But by rubbing and scrubbing
so wide does it grow,
It is fit for just nothing but
Signior Dildo.
Our dainty fine duchesses have got
a trick
To dote on a fool for the sake of his prick,
The fops were undone did their graces but know
The
discretion and vigour of Signior Dildo.
The
Duchess of Modena, though she looks so high,
With
such a gallant is content to lie,
And for fear that
the English her secrets should know,
For her
gentleman usher took Signior Dildo.
The Countess
o'th'Cockpit (who knows not her name?
She's famous in
story for a killing dame),
When all her old lovers
forsake her, I trow,
She'll then be contented with
Signior Dildo.
Red Howard, red Sheldon, and
Temple so tall
Complain of his absence so long from
Whitehall.
Signior Barnard has promised a journey to
go
And bring back his countryman, Signior Dildo.
Doll Howard no longer with His Highness must range,
And therefore is proferred this civil exchange:
Her
teeth being rotten, she smells best below,
And needs
must be fitted for Signior Dildo.
St Albans with
wrinkles and smiles in his face,
Whose kindness to
strangers becomes his high place,
In his coach and
six horses is gone to Bergo
To take the fresh air
with Signior Dildo.
Were this signior but known
to the citizen fops,
He'd keep their fine wives from
the foremen o'their shops;
But the rascals deserve
their horns should still grow
For burning the Pope
and his nephew, Dildo.
Tom Killigrew's wife, that
Holland fine flower,
At the sight of this signior did
fart and belch sour,
And her Dutch breeding the
further to show,
Says, 'Welcome to England, Mynheer
Van Dildo.'
He civilly came to the Cockpit one
night,
And proferred his service to fair Madam
Knight.
Quoth she, 'I intrigue with Captain Cazzo;
Your nose in mine arse, good Signior Dildo.'
This
signior is sound, safe, ready, and dumb
As ever was
candle, carrot, or thumb;
Then away with these nasty
devices, and show
How you rate the just merit of
Signior Dildo.
Count Cazzo, who carries his nose
very high,
In passion he swore his rival should die;
Then shut himself up to let the world know
Flesh and
blood could not bear it from Signior Dildo.
A
rabble of pricks who were welcome before,
Now finding
the porter denied them the door,
Maliciously waited
his coming below
And inhumanly fell on Signior Dildo.
Nigh wearied out, the poor stranger did fly,
And
along the Pall Mall they followed full cry;
The women
concerned from every window
Cried, 'For heaven's
sake, save Signior Dildo.'
The good Lady Sandys
burst into a laughter
To see how the ballocks came
wobbling after,
And had not their weight retarded the
foe,
Indeed't had gone hard with Signior Dildo.
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