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As some brave
admiral, in former war,
Deprived of force, but
pressed with courage still,
Two rival fleets
appearing from afar,
Crawls to the top of an adjacent
hill;
From whence (with thoughts full of concern)
he views
The wise and daring conduct of the fight,
And each bold action to his mind renews
His present
glory, and his past delight;
From his fierce
eyes, flashes of rage he throws,
As from black clouds
when lightning breaks away,
Transported, thinks
himself amidst his foes,
And absent yet enjoys the
bloody day;
So when my days of impotence
approach,
And I'm by pox and wine's unlucky chance,
Driven from the pleasing billows of debauch,
On the
dull shore of lazy temperance,
My pains at last
some respite shall afford,
Whilst I behold the
battles you maintain,
When fleets of glasses sail
about the board,
From whose broadsides volleys of wit
shall rain.
Nor shall the sight of honourable
scars,
Which my too-forward valour did procure,
Frighten new-listed soldiers from the wars.
Past joys
have more than paid what I endure.
Should hopeful
youths (worth being drunk) prove nice,
And from their
fair inviters meanly shrink,
'Twould please the ghost
of my departed vice,
If at my counsel they repent and
drink.
Or should some cold-complexioned set
forbid,
With his dull morals, our night's brisk
alarms,
I'll fire his blood by telling what I did,
When I was strong and able to bear arms.
I'll
tell of whores attacked, their lords at home,
Bawds'
quarters beaten up, and fortress won,
Windows
demolished, watches overcome,
And handsome ills by my
contrivance done.
Nor shall our love-fits, Cloris,
be forgot,
When each the well-looked link-boy strove
t'enjoy,
And the best kiss was the deciding lot:
Whether the boy fucked you, or I the boy.
With
tales like these I will such heat inspire,
As to
important mischief shall incline.
I'll make them long
some ancient church to fire,
And fear no lewdness
they're called to by wine.
Thus statesman-like,
I'll saucily impose,
And safe from danger valiantly
advise,
Sheltered in impotence, urge you to blows,
And being good for nothing else, be wise.
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