Friends Don't Let Friends Drive Drunk:
You know what really spits in my beer? Those commercials that say that friends don't let friends drive drunk. Now let's say, fer instance, that me and my good friend Clem drive over to the Guzzle 'Till You Barf Pub, together. Then, let's say fer instance, that we both gets all-a-plastered and a-bombed. So then Clem wants to drive home, but I says "you aint-a-drivin' home cuz you is drunk and I is yer friend!" So then I grabs the keys outta his hand (all-a-rude like). But then he says to me "you aint-a-drivin' home cuz you is drunk and I is yer friend!" So then we get all-a-fisticuffs over it and beat each others heads in a butt-kickin' frenzy. So now we get all up in each other's faces just-a-cuz of a stupid commercial. Well thanks but no thanks, we'll just have to drive home drunk. It's safer that way.

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