Simon Cowell, as a judge on American Idol, has
earned himself somewhat of a reputation of being cruel when telling
contestants when they haven't quite measured up. People are often
shocked at his brutal honesty and (perhaps) lack of tact. But, in
some ways, he may just be doing the contestant a favor. One the
contestant's parents should have done.
The fact is that, in our modern western society, we have reached a
point at which we don't want to say anything to a child that may
hurt his feelings; even when it may be more beneficial for the child
to be truthful. One word that is seldom used these days when raising
children is the terrible word no. Oh, little Jimmy wants an all ice
cream diet. Sure he's morbidly obese and already has diabetes at the
age of 12, but if I say no, his little feelings will be hurt.
So what ends up happening is that by not hurting a child's feelings,
we jeopardize his health. Now the above example is extreme but I
think it illustrates a point. The point being illustrated is that
telling people something nice for the sake of not hurting their
feelings isn't always the right thing to do. Sometimes honesty is
the best approach.
Among the harsh realities of life is that, to actually get good at
something, you usually have to apply yourself. That includes music.
To become a good musician, it may involve some level of dedication
and hard work. You may even (dare I say it?) have to practice. You
may even have to crack open a book and study some music theory. I
know this may seem like a radical approach but there are some people
out there that think that this approach actually works.
One approach a parent can take when a child is interested in music
is to give a compliment and then follow it with the criticism. A
parent could say "I like that, but if you changed this, I think it
would be even better." You got the criticism in of what's wrong,
directed them towards where they can fix what's wrong but you also
made a point of complimenting them in the process. Complimenting
them in the process softens the blow of the criticism.
A child needs to know that in order to excel at anything, they need
to apply themselves. Telling them that everything they are doing is
flawless doesn't achieve that. This could apply to anything we
attempt to teach our children, not just music.
Some may say to me "what makes you such an expert on raising
children?" I say in return: "I'm not an expert on raising children."
My expertise lies in teaching people about how to play guitar and
how to learn music theory. I understand how important music theory
is as well as how important it is to apply yourself in order to
become a good musician.
In my experience of teaching guitar and music theory, I have come
across a number of people who, prior to having met me, had very
little understanding of how much they would need to apply themselves
in order to excel as a musician. I believe that quite often it is as
a result of their parents never explaining to them that applying
themselves is a prerequisite to getting good at something. Sometimes
the parents will do that with some things but not with music.
Music is often seen as something fun or enjoyable to do and not
often seen as work. Unfortunately, if you want to do it as a
profession, then you have to actually "work" at it. That means that
you have to take it a bit more seriously than the average person who
is just playing guitar as a hobby. That's what separates a
professional from an amateur or wannabe.
So if Mom and Dad never told you what you should work on in order to
improve as a musician, then you may want to do a self-assessment. If
you're a singer, tape yourself. Listen to your self and try to be
honest. Don't get too discouraged if you finally come to the
realization that you're not as good as you thought you were. There
are ways of fixing that. It's called practice. If you play guitar or
some other instrument, you can do the same. Tape yourself. Be
somewhat critical. Are you playing in time? Are you playing the
notes clearly?
If you adequately assess yourself as a musician, apply yourself and
work on your faults, you will get better. There is no doubt of that.
And if you do that, then maybe someday Simon Cowell or someone like
him won't have to do your parents' dirty work. Maybe Simon will tell
you that your performance was great! At least with him, you know
he's not just saying that to spare your feelings.
About the Author:
Bob Craypoe is a musician, writer cartoonist, 3D artist, webmaster and
entrepreneur who resides in Northern New Jersey. He is the creator
of Guitar4Blind.com (a site that teaches the visually impaired how
to play guitar), Punksters.net (punk rock comic strip) and other
websites. His instrumental CD
To Infinity
is currently available on Amazon.com and his music site is
www.craypoe.com/bob All of his websites may be accessed from
www.craypoe.com. |
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